


Memories

by daydreamsonacloudyday



Series: Charlotte "Charlie" Shepard [8]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamsonacloudyday/pseuds/daydreamsonacloudyday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan watches old vids of Charlie after she's died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is set at the very beginning of ME2, when no one knows Charlie is alive and before Kaidan is sent to Horizon. The state of Charlie and Kaidan's relationship when she died is referenced quite a few times in this, and it's worth it to know that [while they did sleep together before Ilos, they weren't in a romantic relationship because Charlie screwed things up between them](http://daydreamsonacloudyday.tumblr.com/post/123381587442/heres-the-basic-rundown-on-how-charlie-and).

Kaidan stared at Charlie as a reporter approached her. She was in her dress blues, her blonde hair pulled back into her usual messy bun—he knew she had no care for the celebration, or Alliance dress regs for that matter, and she wasn't going to waste her time trying to pull her hair back into a perfect bun like the rest of the Alliance women present at the party. Charlie caught sight of the reporter coming her way and her already unamused expression furthered into a frown.

Before the reporter could ask her a question, a knock sounded at the door, drawing Kaidan's attention away from the vid screen. He paused the vid and took a swig of his drink, the alcohol burning his throat as he swallowed. He answered the door, finding Anderson on the other side.

"Anderson."

"I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you on your promotion, Staff Commander Alenko," Anderson greeted.

Kaidan gave him a curt nod. "Thanks."

Furrowing his brow, Anderson studied Kaidan before his eyes drifted to the vid screen across the room, Charlie's frown frozen on the screen.

Kaidan went to explain, but Anderson spoke first. "Mind if I join you?" he asked, his expression softened. Kaidan stared at the other man a moment, realizing that Anderson understood exactly what he was doing.

Finally, he nodded, stepping aside to let Anderson through. "Yeah, sure, come in."

The two men walked over to the couch, and Kaidan poured Anderson a glass of whiskey before handing it to him and sitting down, resuming the vid where it left off.

" _How do you feel about saving the Citadel, Commander?_ " the reporter asked, Charlie raising her eyebrow at the question.

" _Seriously?_ That's _the question you have for me?_ " she droned, her voice music to Kaidan's ears despite her clear displeasure in the vid. " _Not, 'Why is the Council covering up the existence of the reapers with their shitty geth story?' Because I have an answer for that one. The Council is—_ "

Before she could no doubt say something inappropriate about the Council, Udina stepped in, shooting her a warning glare, irritation clearly visible in his gaze. " _Commander, if you would, the Council would like to speak with you._ "

Charlie openly scowled at Udina, her lips pursing together. " _Yeah, sure they would,_ " she sarcastically drawled, grabbing a drink from a nearby server. She downed it in one gulp and then sighed, gesturing for Udina to get moving. " _Lead the way, soon-to-be-Councilor._ " She followed Udina towards the Council as the screen went black.

"She was always a pain in the ass when it came to the press," Anderson stated, a hint of a smile on the corner of his lips.

Kaidan huffed. "Yeah. She hated them."

"I don't blame her, not after what they said about her after Torfan."

Kaidan nodded in agreement, silence settling between them. He started the next vid, a knot forming in his throat when it started—he knew exactly which one it was.

The picture was shaky until it steadied on Charlie standing across from Wrex down in the lower deck of the Normandy, Joker, Liara, Tali, Garrus, and the rest of the crew forming a circle around them. Charlie rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck, while Wrex cracked his fingers.

" _This is a bad idea_ ," came Kaidan's own voice, just before the camera whirled on him. He was clearly worried, his lips pressed thin as he watched on with everyone else.

" _Relax, LT, she'll be fine,_ " came Ashley's voice. " _She's an N7_."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, shooting Ashley and her omni-tool a look. " _He's a Krogan._ "

The picture focused back on Charlie and Wrex, now circling each other, until Ashley called out, " _Come on, get started already!_ "

"Don't tell me she actually wrestled the Krogan," Anderson said, momentarily pulling Kaidan's attention from the vid.

"We had a few drinks and… Joker dared her."

Anderson shook his head and barked a laugh. "Of course she couldn't turn that down."

" _No biotics,_ " Charlie said, Kaidan's eyes snapping back to the vid screen.

" _You ready, Shepard?_ " Wrex asked, and she laughed, a grin on her lips. Kaidan's heart constricted in his chest at the sight of her beautiful smile, and he took a deep drink from his whiskey as the vid progressed.

" _Absolutely not. But still, don't go easy on me, Wrex._ "

" _Heh, never!_ " the Krogan answered, lunging at her. Charlie dodged Wrex's attack, muttering curses to herself as she kept avoiding more and more hits, unable to get that many of her own in. Kaidan remembered watching the sparring match, his stomach dropping and his body tensing every time Wrex almost hit her, worrying she wouldn't be so lucky the next time he came at her.

Charlie finally got a punch in, a loud " _fuck_ " escaping her lips as she quickly pulled her hand back and shook her fist.

" _Did you even feel that?_ " she asked.

" _Nope!_ "

" _Shit, I did._ "

Wrex laughed as she continued to dodge his attacks, until she lost her footing. The Krogan took advantage of the momentary weakness and pinned her to the ground. Struggling against Wrex's enormous weight, Charlie tried to move, until she let out a deep breath, frowning.

" _Okay, fine, I give up. You win, Wrex—but only because I'm tipsy._ "

Wrex grinned at her and helped her up, slapping her on the back for a good effort. She rolled her eyes and shook her head as the crowd began to disperse, credits exchanging hands as some of the crew collected their winnings from their bets before the match.

The vid followed Charlie as she walked towards the elevator, and Kaidan watched as he cut her off.

" _How's your hand?_ " he asked, his eyes giving her a once over to make sure she wasn't injured anywhere else.

" _It's fine._ "

" _Let me see._ "

" _Alenko—_ "

" _Shepard_ ," he said firmly, and Charlie finally relented, rolling her eyes as she held her hand up for him. Kaidan watched himself gently take it into his own, remembering the warmth of her skin against his and the way his heart always beat faster whenever he touched her. In the vid, he softly rubbed his fingers over her bruised knuckles, and his eyes were locked on Charlie as she stared at him the entire time he examined her hand. In the moment, he had no idea she was looking at him, but when he watched the vid he never missed it. He wasn't surprised—he used to do the same thing when she wasn't looking.

" _You should ice it,_ " he said, meeting her gaze, still holding her hand.

Charlie nodded. " _I will._ " They held each other's gaze, a smile breaking out on Charlie's lips, one he returned. A moment later, she realized Ashley was still recoding them, and her eyes went wide as they darted to the other woman, jerking her hand back from his. " _Williams! You'd better get rid of that!_ " Charlie shouted, stalking towards her.

Ashley's " _shit_ " was heard before the screen shook and went black, signaling the end of the vid.

Kaidan took a deep swig of his whiskey, finishing off his glass and pouring himself another one. His chest was hollow, empty, the knot in his throat tighter than before as he fought back tears.

Seeing Charlie alive and  _happy_  was the best and worst thing at the same time. He missed her smile and her laugh, her dry humor, the way she'd meticulously maintenance her guns and armor… he missed the time they spent together, just the two of them, whether talking or sitting in silence as they did paperwork. Seeing everything he missed about her, seeing  _Charlie_ , reminded him of those happy memories. But it also crushed him at the same time because she was dead. He'd never see her  _real_  smile again.

"You love her," Anderson said, a statement more than a question.

Kaidan looked at Anderson, his brows drawing together. "Yeah, I do." Closing his eyes, he released a deep breath. "I did."

Anderson nodded, looking down at his glass before meeting Kaidan's gaze again. "I don’t know if this helps or makes it worse, but… she loved you, too."

Kaidan swallowed hard at Anderson's words, knowing he spoke the truth. He knew she loved him, no matter how many times she denied it and pushed him away. He knew it— _felt it_ —during their one night together before Ilos, and he knew that's what she was trying to tell him as she was dying, the strangled, panicked breaths he heard her take as she tried to speak the words still haunting him to that day.

"What makes you say that?" he forced out, curious to what made Anderson see it.

A soft smile settled on Anderson's lips. "You made her smile."

"I wasn't the only one."

"It was the way she looked at you when she smiled," he clarified. "I haven't seen her look at anyone like that since before Torfan." Nodding, Kaidan looked down into his drink before taking another deep swig. "I miss her too," Anderson sighed.

Kaidan blinked back tears, and started another vid, his chest tightening when another one of Ashley's vids came into focus, the image of Charlie asleep on his lap filling the screen, the sound of her snores filling the room.

He would have done anything to have a moment like that again. 


End file.
